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Posted by: Dan @ 8:55 pm
My apologies to friends who have to hear it this way, but phone calls to parents took it all out of me and I have nothing left. And I want to be with Sandy every minute. But we felt it important that everyone gets the word as soon as possible. I can barely breathe and the river of tears we have cried today has all but swept us away.
Sandy, our son Cameron and I went to her oncologist this morning to learn the results of the MRI Sandy had late yesterday. The results are not good… devastating, but not unexpected given the dramatic change in her condition the past week. The MRI showed that the tumor has grown significantly and there are two other tumor areas, and all these tumors are causing brain swelling. The chemo drugs she has been taking have not worked. So her oncologist here and the oncologist at Stanford have decided that she should stop taking the chemo and continue with just the Decadron to ease the brain swelling. Her doctors are devastated, but their compassion has eased this journey.
The cancer is too aggressive. There is nothing else they can do for her. This type of cancer has no cure. They cannot say how long she will live, but it may be just a few weeks. She will have the best home care possible to ease any symptoms. The decadron has already helped her. She is moving a little better and the headaches are gone. The good news is Sandy is off the chemo - she’s happy about that.
We are going to continue to live everyday and have as much fun as possible. In fact today, after getting this worst possible news, Sandy in her typical compassionate way, turned it around. We were driving home and went past a statuary shop that reminded Sandy of something she had been meaning to do. We bought several concrete animal sculptures - rabbits, a turtle, a bird - and delivered them to the Wellness Place / Good Grief Center for their children’s garden.
The yellow wristbands we and our friends wear are not jewelry — we’re going to continue to LiveStrong. We still encourage people to visit us, and your comments really help strengthen us. Keep the love and prayers coming. We need you more than ever.
Good night,
Dan and Sandy
June 30th, 2006 at 10:39 pm Deep Prayers, all of our love, many tears. Seize the day/the night/the mornings. May God keep you close, you dears. H&P
July 1st, 2006 at 8:38 am No words are adequate but through my tears there is so much admiration for both of you. I submit someone else’s words: “The way is long–let us go together. The way is difficult–let us help each other The way is joyful–let us share it. The way is ours alone–let us go in love.” Joyce Hunter And another–”Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” Lao-Tzu And truly, you are both loved deeply by so many. Mom in Waldport
July 1st, 2006 at 12:12 pm Devastating news. Sandy, your amazing spirit, strength and inspiration will go on in many ways in many people. LiveStrong. Fred
July 1st, 2006 at 6:01 pm I am so sorry. We will be praying for strength and peace for you all. Know that you are not alone. The Lofas family - Nan, Lars, Johan, Finn and Ava
July 1st, 2006 at 8:56 pm When life on earth doesn’t offer hope, There is a peace that surpasses all understanding that comes from our Heavenly Father and his Son our savior. God Bless.
July 2nd, 2006 at 6:24 am I was with Sandy yesterday gang, and trust me, her amazing spirit is definately there, she is her fun self. Are there moments? Of course. That is how our perfect “Thelma and Louise” were. You see we took the “Thelma and Louise trip together three years ago to the exact spot, and had a ball. (I am her twin with the BT) and kind of her sister also. I am sending this because she would love all of us to be watching the movie again and realizing it is US!!! having so much fun in life. WE did. what a trip we had. life is not how long we live. Life is how we live each moment. Sandy truly lives the moment. So few do. love ya sis…Thelma (Mary)
July 2nd, 2006 at 6:24 am Dan and Sandy, Tears of sadness from us. I am sorry. Sandy it was great to see you this week, you looked radiant and joyful. I hope we will see you soon. LiveSTRONG. Barb
July 2nd, 2006 at 6:28 am and there are more then one Mary’s so from now on I will always be signing mine “Thelma” so you know I am the Mary that is kind of her sister
July 2nd, 2006 at 8:02 am Dearies - we saw “One, The Movie” last night and were thinking of you the whole way through. It was hard for me not to just SOB at times, I had to gulp back a breath and pay attention to what was being said. Well, a neat comment by a well known philospher women, to the question to “What is the world like today” was that there is “dysfunctional destruction occuring”, while at the same time, and more powerful, there is “positive creativity occuring, that will procude anew”. Sandy, you and Dano too, are the embodiement of positive creativity that teaches US…the world can be a better place because we were a part of it, rather than an observer. Our prayers and love are constant for you our sweet ones. With love, H&P
July 2nd, 2006 at 8:49 am We love you all and send our greetings and Sunday morning prayers to you,Sandy and Dan, and to that Hawaiian son of yours! The dawn chorus of birds woke us up around 4 this morning and we’ve been thinking of you non-stop. Please have a grand day today.
July 2nd, 2006 at 11:53 am We wish there were words to say, that would make all the problems go away. We want you to know that everyone at school is keeping you close in our thoughts and prayers. You are so near our hearts. Sending a bundle of love your way. Millie
July 2nd, 2006 at 11:56 am Dan and Sandy. No words can really express how I’m feeling, but through all the tears and sadness…… I know one thing…..I am NOT giving up hope…….and no one out there should be either! NEVER GIVE UP HOPE……..LIVESTRONG! Many, many prayers your way…..love your sis.
July 2nd, 2006 at 1:03 pm Though I’m so far away(Italy) you’ve been in my mind constantly ever since I started reading your blog and getting to know you both. I discovered your blog just after my daughter (age 32 and mother of Caterina, 16 months) was diagnosed with brain tumour and you helped me survive!By reading your almost daily entries I was able to face life with a little more courage again and so to help my daughter and little granddaughter Ups and downs, getting through those bad times but laughing and having fun too have proved what special people you are and how lucky I was to get to know you. Please take care of yourselves!
July 2nd, 2006 at 2:23 pm Sandy - Susie (your cousin) is my bestest bud and she and I signed up today to be a part of your Lance Armstrong walking team. My husband has cancer, too and it is a tough battle. I am praying for you and reading your incredible journey everyday. Dan, you are such a great writer & husband. You both inspire me!! Hang in there and see you July 30th!
July 2nd, 2006 at 2:31 pm Sandy and Dan and Cameron we are with you every moment of this journey. Sandy you still amaze me with your radiance and strength for life.. it astonds me how you see the many blessings and beauty in life throught the pain… You are truly a gift to us all…we are with you in love, peace and strength with dignity Susan, Bill and Emily
July 2nd, 2006 at 4:06 pm Just wanted to let you know how much Vladimir and I enjoyed our visit yesterday. (and Yoho and Wyatt, too) There are not too many places we consider taking our crazy dogs…But they fit right in to your loving home. They especially loved the walk to the river which wouldn’t have happened without Sandy’s push. I sure loved talking with Sandy’s mom and dad, brother and sis, cousin, aunt etc. You are surrounded with love. I want to let everyone know that Sandy is packing in each and every moment with LIFE. I was unsure whether to visit and I’m so glad I did. Love you. Susie
July 3rd, 2006 at 8:19 am I think we must have just missed each other on Friday. I was at Oncology to see Dr. Smith for my cancer check up. I am waiting to hear the results of my test this week. Dr. Smith is so great, she has been my Doctor for both of my cancer trials. I’m glad she is there for you. As always you are both in my prayers. Dan, if you need more leave time, let me know. Sandy, you are such a strong person. I love seeing your great smile when you come into the office. If I can do anything for either of you, just let me know. God loves you and I do too.
July 3rd, 2006 at 4:51 pm Oh, man…I was so sorry to see this news. Having just lost my father to cancer…I wanted to thank you Sandy and Dan for the card and the book…thinking of me and my family while you are going through all this. You guys are amazing. I shall continue to pray for you and may the deep love of Christ fill you. God bless,
July 3rd, 2006 at 8:42 pm we offer our prayers that you enjoy every minute together. knowing our Father is with you every step of the way hopefully eases your worry and anxious moments so you can just focus on what is dear to you….that all important time together. we love you dearly and see you smiling and graciously handling things as they come. you are joy to one another. our thoughts are with you Sandy, Dan and Cameron every day.
July 3rd, 2006 at 9:24 pm Hi Mrs. Beardsley! I wanted to stop by and say hi and that I love you so much. Our hearts and minds are with you…we care about you so much and you are in our prayers. You know, I always go back to those old elementary years in your fourth grade classroom. Those were some of the best moments of our lives (2006 class). You made class so much fun, so interesting and adventurous. Mrs. Beardsley you are such a great, kind and loving person…I care about you so much! Thank You for being the great person you are! Love Always,Patti Limon
July 4th, 2006 at 7:28 am For true grace and courage under fire I don’t have to look any further than the shining example you two portray. God sheds his grace on you. You shed your grace on the rest of us. Thank you, Tina
July 4th, 2006 at 8:56 am Dan and Sandy, Strong, pleading, fervent, praising, begging, thankful, tearful……continual prayer for the two of you and all who love you.
July 4th, 2006 at 3:59 pm Dear Sandy, I begin this with an adage my mother used to use: “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Now that you know the path I’ve been walking, please know that this letter comes after many, many times that I’ve meant to write to say we were thinking of you and praying for you. So, let’s celebrate the fact that I am doing it! First, Jerry asked me to tell you that he loves you. You know, he prides himself on having been on the board when you were hired. He has always praised you as a teacher, and as a person, as well. We will both be forever in your debt for your kindness to Jon, especially when he was in AmeriCorps. You knew him “through and through, and loved him still and all.” Megan remembers your kindnesses to her when she had her migraine headaches as a second grader. There is much to say, and yet, there are no words for it. Please know that Jerry and I are keeping you and Dan and Cameron in our hearts. What part of our lives you have touched has been richer for it. We can’t ever thank you enough. With our love and prayers, Jerry and Yvonne Van Winkle
July 4th, 2006 at 10:01 pm Sandy, I’m still at your side, and will stay there forever. Love, Shirl
July 5th, 2006 at 11:10 am Dear Sandy, You and your family are in our thoughts. We naturally grieve for you, and that grief pauses our day. I am reminded to look at my touchstone. It reads, “Since death is certain in all of us, the real question is of how we shall live.” What little we have known of you, has inspired within us an excellent example. Peace be with you and yours. Friends of Sandra Beardsley, Gig Harbor Chapter Tim and Kimberly Gartland
July 5th, 2006 at 6:37 pm Lots and lots of love and prayers…
July 5th, 2006 at 10:56 pm Dear sandy, dan and cam: Hello to all of you - Your family has been such a great example of true love and committment, All three of you are such “GREAT TEACHERS” By sharing all these personal and private moments- good and bad - You have helped so many people walk thru the griving process. but also by sharing all of your fanstastic moments and the everyday family connections You are also showing true love. you are all so very, very, special. I just happened to find a young boy and young girl statue at a yard sale just last week - could you use them?? I’ll bring them by tomarrow and see if they’d work with the other ones. love mary pat
July 6th, 2006 at 11:12 am Sandy and Dan, I just wanted to let you know that the Astell’s are thinking about you guys! I was able to ride with Susan T. on Tuesday, and she filled me in. You two are some of the most amazing and beautiful people we know. Just from what Susan said, it sounds like your grace and beauty continue to shine through each obstacle. Thank you for giving so freely and touching each of us. We are here for you. Stephanie, Luke and Addie
July 6th, 2006 at 4:12 pm Wow! What can we say that hasn’t already been said. You have so many friends……….more than anyone we know. Everyone loves you two, so think of all the prayers that are being sent your way! Who knows? Doctors are only human, but God helps them too. You are an inspiration Sandy, and Dan has to be an Angel on earth. We hesitate to visit with so many family members there, but may get up the courage to do so. In the meantime, we think of you every day. God Bless……..
July 6th, 2006 at 5:42 pm Dear Dan and Sandy, Even though I don’t know you personally, I know you are beautiful people. You have so much love and compassion, and you are loved by everyone around you. I will pray for you both every day. God bless you, Maria
July 6th, 2006 at 7:28 pm Sandy, Dan, Cameron, Gods Blessing be with all of you. My family and I will pray for your strength, your health, your very lives. Be together here on Earth for as long as possible and don’t foget that you’ll be together in Heaven. Peace be with you. Paul Lynden, WA
July 7th, 2006 at 8:22 am Sandy and Dan,What can I say other than you continue to be such an insipiration to us all.You two are amazing in your ability to share everything good and bad with others.We who are lucky enough to know you personally are much better people because of you two.Thanks for being so loving,caring,compassionate and sharing friends.I love you both .You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.Love,Janet
July 7th, 2006 at 10:05 am Sandy , Dan & Cameron - You are in our thoughts and prayers ~ We are hoping for a miracle for you ~ If anyone deserves it, it is YOU! It was wonderful seeing you, Sandy, at the picnic at school and I am so glad I was able to spend some time with you on the boat. I remember 2 summers ago when we were in Summer Institute together and got to spend time walking and sharing thoughts and feelings with you. You have a lot of wisdom and I have learned so much from you. I learned from you what is important in life and not to worry about the small stuff and there are always more important things than work. You have been such a great infuence for all of us you know and love you. Thank you so much. I have talked with Ruby Capi and she has such good feelings for you, Sandy and whe would like to see you . I would like to bring her up to see you. If there is a good time for us to come, please let me know. Take care, rest well, love freely. Love Caprice
July 7th, 2006 at 10:38 am With this blog, you have reached out to others to let them know they are not alone. You have reached for our hands and touched our hearts. Our hearts are bursting for you two. I type a few words, choke some air, then pace from front yard to back. “What a gorgeous summer day!” — and as I say it, tears fall as bright as little dewdrops, for I know you two are seizing every love-filled minute of it… each precious moment. Know that we are thinking of you — you are loved, respected and never alone. With great affection, your neighbors, Anna and Lee
July 7th, 2006 at 11:52 am I came up to you both at the NBTF walk on May 6th, after Sandy boldly stepped to the mic to tell her tale, gnome in hand! I’m cleaning up my desk and found your business card—do you remember me? I’m a drama teacher and told you that 5/6 was my dad’s birthday? He passed in September from tumor/stroke? I SAY GOOD FOR YOU FOR BUYING THOSE STATUES AND TAKING THAT GNOME AROUND THE WORLD WITH YOU! Every single day is a gift and NONE of us know what tomorrow holds. Hold onto each other’s love. Peace to you all, Valerie in San Francisco
July 7th, 2006 at 2:37 pm Hi Sandy and Dan - we just got back from our mini-trip minutes ago. It was easy to think of you every day because you and Dan are a big part of of our property and the barn. We are sorry to read the news on the blog but know your spirit is kicking into high gear - just like Lance’s did. Believe. LiveStrong. Never give in. We are right there with you in our spirit, prayers, positive thoughts - that YOU have helped us strengthen by being YOU. All our love everyday, every minute. D2
July 7th, 2006 at 6:23 pm sandy my prayers are with you. i talked to you alot about my friend laura in upstate n y ive also talked to your friend mary. you guys helped me alot in dealing with my friend and her brain tumor. she is also a pre school teacher. she is now going through the same exact thing as you. about three weeks ago she started having problemsith walking and her vision headaches ect. we still remain hopeful for you both. i pray for you n my friend laura. much love, mary s. upstate ny.
July 7th, 2006 at 6:46 pm Dear Sandy and DanO, what a pleasure to spend time with you (and Caryn) yesterday. That Sandy, what a woman of power and energy! And I really like the sign at your carport “Nesting Time” so we can come by to see you, if you need alone time, we can just look for your sign. I was able to spend about an hour of quiet time in The Garden Of Friendship, it was beautiful and brings so many memories of friends, laughter, thoughtful discussions. It’s a lovely healing place, thank you for having the garden for us too. With love, Heather (and Pat)
July 7th, 2006 at 6:53 pm Dan,Sandy and Cameron, We are so sorry to hear the news of your last MRI. We still pray for a miracle. You are in my prayers always. You are two very special, caring and loving people. You truly are!!! All our thoughts and prayers, Cheryl and Brant
July 8th, 2006 at 5:06 pm Hi Sandy - just got back from my first bike ride in nine days. Windy as can be. I had my yellow jersey on and my yellow bracelet on. I was doing about 15 mph into a strong wind and said to myself “looks like I’ll never see 20 mph on this ride” ……until I thought of you. 16 mph, 17 mph, 18 mph, 19 mph, 20 mph, 21 mph, 22+ mph. This event generated a few thoughts for you… The chemo drugs are gone. It’s just you and the cancer. Forget the science. Throw out the statistics. It’s time to put the Lance face on. No, better yet, it’s time to put the Sandy Beardsley face on. The time is now. Believe! This is WHEN MIRACLES HAPPEN! LoveStong, D2 PS - this blog “is not about the bike” It’s about you. See you and Dan in Portland on the 30th.
July 8th, 2006 at 11:22 pm My dearest Sandy…your early journey in life was on a road with family walking beside you holding your small hand and encouraging you to experience , to participate, to explore…and then as you began to take bigger steps, and walk a little faster in your youth…friends began to join you…and your family continued to walk with you, but gave space to your new friendships, new experiences…and as the road sometimes seemed to grow a little steeper, and sometimes as you discovered your road had many “bends” and you couldn’t always know what was around the curve…you found new additions to your journey in your life that gave you joys you weren’t expecting…which included a loving son, books and degrees, work and insights, and a soulmate with an incredible love and spirit to be matched only by your own depth and spirit…though the road has been sometimes smooth and easy going, the rocks have at times caused you to slow down and “pick” your way through them,..but the amazing thing is, you also took the time to examine them, feel them, and even pick them up and look under them…and as you climbed the steeper terrain into the mountains, you viewed sights that gave you a greater perspective of the world itself, and shared those sights and insights with others….and now this huge boulder is on your path,…seemingly no way to get around it, and yet..intrepid you… have chosen to climb it, and share with us what it feels like to “look”…to “see” to “know”….and at this moment you will notice your family, and your friends and loved ones, known to you, and unknown are climbing that boulder with you….and hopefully the boulder will diminish in size from the sheer weight of the love and friendship that is surrounding you…holding you, …enfolding you…and Believing……………….
July 9th, 2006 at 8:31 pm My feet are grass stain…my spirit is dancing. Thinking of you both~Kel and Mark
July 10th, 2006 at 3:02 pm Sandy and Dan, I had such a wonderful visit with you and your friends last Sunday the 2nd and am happy to hear that you have been enjoying so many wonderful family and friends. As always you both are an inspiration to me and are always teaching what faith, hope, beauty, grace and goodness truly are. I was also very glad to hear that you had put up some signs, for example “Nesting Time” when you needed it. I sure hope you and Dan are getting in some serious “cuddle time” alone as well. The same little birdie that told me about the signs said you were planning a visit to the coast. That sounds wonderful. Stay strong. I will visit soon. I pray for every glorious day that Sandy is with us that she is pain free to enjoy each day as well. Go nest! Love Susie
July 10th, 2006 at 3:53 pm Dear Sandy and Dan, Today, as Nancy and I drove up to Leavenworth to see you, I found myself thinking of some of the things we have shared over the years. Our classes teaching the ESL kids in Orondo together, the skiing field trip when all the kids skied for the first time, our hike up 4th of July and our late return that had Dan so worried that he came out to meet us. It has been wonderful knowing you and working with you! When we saw the “Do not Disturb” sign at your house we were disappointed, but realize how much you need to rest and conserve your strength. We left a couple of small things by the driveway sign… I also left a small mountain of prayers for your complete peace as you walk this path. Jesus promised He would “never leave us or forsake us”. May you know His peace!
July 10th, 2006 at 6:38 pm Hi Sandy, Dan & Cameron, my name is Toni Meade, I was diagnosed with a grade two astrocytoma on may 17 2005 at age 37. I have 3 boys age 14, 14 and 4.I have only started to use the internet since my diagnosis, looking for people out there with a similar story to mine. Well, then i found you guys. Although i have not contacted you before you are constantly in my thoughts. I find myself at times not knowing what to say or do about certain situations and i just think to myself ‘what would Sandy do’ and it seems to be much easier to deal with. I feel we are very similar in the way we deal with things that come into our lives. I have a lot of people tell me what an inspiration i am to them and i don’t understand what they mean, to me i am doing the only thing i can, living strong for me and my family. I also have the bright yellow bracelet that never leaves my arm, and you are so right, it is far from a piece of jewelry. Thinking of you and praying for you all. Thank you so much for all the words you have put to these sites, draw strength from knowing how much you have touched someone who does not even know you (i live in Australia) and you fight this thing to the very end. xxx
July 27th, 2006 at 9:02 pm Hi Mrs. Beardsley its me again! Patti! My family and I just want you to know that your are always in our hearts…we read your blog and stay in touch. WE LOVE YOU MRS. BEARDSLEY The Limon Family