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Posted by: Dan @ 12:07 am
It has been four months since she died. Though I struggle to embrace this life without Sandy by my side, I have been trying to embrace this holiday season as she always did. She loved this time of year and, a long time ago, she wore down my cynicism and got me to appreciate and love it also. She always had the Christmas albums playing before Thanksgiving. And though it was a good Thanksgiving with her parents and her brother and family, the past two weeks have been tough for me. I hadn’t even thought much about the holidays coming and all of a sudden they’re here. So I’m doing my best to embrace it… last weekend I put up the Christmas lights outside and started getting the decorations out. And though it’s painful and heartbreaking to do it without Sandy, it’s also somehow good therapy. I know she’s loving the new lights on the 12-foot tall Spruce tree growing in our front yard. There’s about a foot of snow on the ground so it’s looking like the holidays out there.
And tonight I got a big dose of holiday spirit. I went to Sandy’s school for the annual Christmas program - a tradition we always took part in. And though it was bittersweet to walk into the school without her, and get hugs from all of her friends and coworkers on the staff, and hugs from her students… to hear all those children singing was a very special experience, as always. Perhaps even more special. Fighting back the tears, I could feel Sandy by my side, watching those kids with love and pride. There’s nothing like hearing children’s voices singing Christmas songs to make you remember the spirit of the season. So to the Orondo staff and all the students… thank you for that. It was great seeing all of you again and coming back to the school. It will always be a special place to me as well.
Good night,
Dan
December 8th, 2006 at 2:59 pm Dan, you have more strength than I think I could ever have. I am so touched by your love and dedication to Sandy. Putting up lights and going to the school is a true testament of your unyielding love for her. I don’t know how you did it without tears, I have tears just reading it. Thinking of you daily! Leslie
December 8th, 2006 at 7:40 pm Dan, It was so great to have you come to our school Christmas program!!! We all loved seeing you.You and Sandy will always be a very special part of the Orondo School Family.I really mean it when I say I want you to come and read to my class They would really enjoy it and so would I.When you are up to it and the time is right for you just give me a call.Hope you enjoy the holiday season I know it will be hard but I want you to know you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Love,Janet
December 8th, 2006 at 8:14 pm Hi Dan, I knew you’d write something about last nite’s program. It was great to see you there. When I got home, I told Chris there was a special guest in the audience. Naturally, his guesses were way off. Hope to see you on skiis soon. Love, Robin & Chris
December 8th, 2006 at 10:11 pm Dan I can see you there in my minds eye. With Sandy there right beside you, holding on to your hand and leaning a little into you. That amazing smile and beautiful peaceful face. May you feel that blessed throughout this Christmas season Dan! Sending positive thoughts, prayers and Love to you and yours!
December 8th, 2006 at 10:30 pm Dan–I can see you there once again with Sandy’s spirit surrounding you. And to be sure, your being there was very special to the kids, the parents and the staff of Orondo. What a wonderful gift you have given them–and all of us who read your beautiful thoughts. With love and admiration, Mom
December 8th, 2006 at 11:09 pm Dan, It was great to see you at the Christmas concert !! We think of you and Sandy often. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
December 9th, 2006 at 9:07 am Dan - Sandy comes to my heart every day, especially at school. I hear her laughter in the halls and can’t help but go look to find her. Your presence with us at our program made it so special to all of us, and somehow, more complete. Sandy was there, too, we all know. Holidays are always a mixed blessing. Hang on to your memories as you move forward. Remember we’re all there with you. Can’t wait to see you again at school! Merry Christmas, Happy New Year. Much love, Carol
December 9th, 2006 at 9:30 pm This season brings with it such happy memories and difficult feelings of loss. I send you a big hug and know that I have such warm tho’ts of you during this beautiful but difficult time. Christmas for me is a mark of time from my mother’s death 9 years ago and I still mark it with honor to her. The pain will lessen but your honoring her will continue the rest of your life. She IS a rare jewel… that is among us still. May Love and Joy surround you. much love PJ
December 13th, 2006 at 3:10 am Merry Christmas, Dan. God bless
December 16th, 2006 at 1:24 am http://static.flickr.com/78/207551564_e604c789c5.jpg?v=0 “Her yard was a magical wonderland of wild flowers that grew in and out of the lavender picked fence that surrounded their charming home. It was a rustic beauty that was so much like her own spirit. Her wild determination and energy is what had kept her going for so long through this illness that had imposed itself upon a lively and awesome woman.” As I try to recapture her spirit in the story I am writing about what Sandy taught this hospice nurse, I am reminded (with snow on the ground) of the Spring/Summer flowers of her yard that were so “her”.
December 16th, 2006 at 3:50 pm Merry Christmas, Dan. Your, Sandy and your famlies are never far from our minds. With love from Nan, Lars, Johan, Finn and Ava xxoo
December 17th, 2006 at 11:58 am Hello Dan and Cameron-Just wanted to wish YOU BOTH and also all your wonderful families: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Thru the journey that Sandy, you both and your families have shared these years many of us have been retaught to LIVE STRONG : Smell the Flowers (even plant more): PLAY with others and even enjoy the Dogs : BE STILL and Enjoy the night silence: But also PLAY the music loud and often. Thanks again for teaching us and loving us also. My Family has really been blessed to know your family these past years. mary pat . PS> The girls and I went to the Gospel Song Play by Lanston Hughes called “Black Nativity” at Seattle’s Intiman theater located in the seattle center group area. It was amazing and with Pastor Patrinell Wright leading the choir it is truly a community event and gets you into a real holiday excitment. They are on the web at www.intiman.org/ Some discount tickets at wastefreeholiday.com but at full price it is still a fantastic bargin.
December 18th, 2006 at 12:37 pm Another special event is going to be happening. The brain tumor Christmas party is this Thursday at my house, and Dan is coming as is Bobbie Clark whose spouse Paul also died with our group. We have a truly special support group and we are very close and loving to each other. It is going to be quite a party….
December 19th, 2006 at 12:22 am Dan, Its good to hear you went up to orondo. I miss seeing those kids with you and mom. I wish you the best Holiday season. Mom is watching over us and will be right with us so try to enjoy yourself, I love you. Cameron
December 21st, 2006 at 2:00 pm Dan, Each day I’m reminded that Sandy is with us and watching over us too. Thank you for sharing your inner thoughts and experiences with the many people who love you dearly. I’m blessed you are brother and grateful for your friendship. You are the true gift of this season. Love, Megan
February 26th, 2007 at 2:44 pm hay dan i miss mrs. beardsley so much i can’t stop thinking about her constantly she is in all of my dreams i miss i will love her she will be in my heart forever and ever i criend my heart out when she died but she’ll be in are memoreys forever and ever don’t for get that love, brooklyn raether!
February 26th, 2007 at 2:46 pm hay dan and everyone that reds this don’t ever forget mrs. beardsley she is important to all of us she will never leave are souls she is the most important teacher to me love, brooklyn raether
September 5th, 2008 at 7:51 am This is..I have no words..She must have been such a perfect person. I read her stories, almost made me cry. I am someone that is going through the same thing, just younger. I feel so bad that she is gone but at the same time God wanted her with him. If my time comes as well, I will be so happy to meet her on the other side.