Sandy Beardsley
Living with a Brain Tumor

August 2006
« Jul   Sep »
Filed under: General
Posted by: Dan @ 5:28 pm

Friends and family have gathered around Sandy to surround her with love as she continues this journey. She has been in bed, now a comfortable hospital bed in our bedroom, since we returned from the LiveStrong Challenge. She is sleeping most of the time, but occasionally awakens and recognizes us, flashing that beautiful smile of hers and saying a word or two, or squeezing our hands tightly. Our son Cameron arrived back home from Hawaii last night at 1 a.m. Sandy awakened at his voice and touch and said, “Oh my God… wow…” and smiled, looking straight at him. She is comfortable and not in pain. And she hears everything we say to her — flashes of her eyes or a smile lets us know she is still with us.

I have moved the small candlelit altar she made a couple weeks ago nearer our bed, with her favorite photos and special objects. The Native American flute music of Carlos Nakai is playing softly. And her hospice nurse also has played her Native American flute for Sandy. Her nurse is an amazing woman and truly loves Sandy, a blessing of a connection for us.

Another piece of music I have been playing is “Migration.” Here’s a quote from Sandy’s website journal about it…

I am listening to a C.D. that a friend gave me. It’s called
Migration by Peter Kater and R. Carlos Nakai. It is so moving
and when I first listened to it I cried. The music touches my
deepest feelings. The twelve pieces are titled with a short description.
They seem to mirror my journey. Wandering, Initiation, Honoring,
Stating Intention, Surrender, Embracing the Darkness, Lighting
the Flame, Transformation, Quietude, Becoming Human, Walking
the Path, Service.

I feel I have reached a new place in this journey. It is in
some ways more difficult then when I was having radiation treatments
and feeling nauseous and sick all the time. At least I had a
focus and could concentrate on something. Now I’m back at work
and my mind is constantly busy. Recently I felt overwhelmed.
I had avoided thinking about the cancer or writing in my journal.
Maybe it was my way of taking a break. I feel a need to go on
with this journey. To learn from it and not go back to my old
life. It is a spiritual one and I realize I need time for reflection
and having solitude. It is important. Like the music quietude.
The words to describe it are listening, observing, being still.”

As I watch her sleep, through my tears and heartbreak I am filled with a peacefulness… a knowing that she is traveling this path in the most perfect way.

Good night,